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Stay Or Go?

by Taylor Williamson

Are you in a relationship that has passed the honeymoon phase? Are you constantly fighting and getting on each other’s nerves? Have you both lost that spark? Has the romance diminished leaving both of you bored and frustrated?

With the rate of divorce skyrocketing, more people are embracing the single life and the idea that people are exchangeable. If we notice a flaw in our partners, we swap them out for someone we believe to be better and improved. It has become a new phenomenon such as exchanging car parts for better ones or getting an updated phone once a year. No one believes in making relationships work past their prime or wants to deal with the struggles or downside. We are brought up to be independent and many of us are self-sustainable. However, when taken to the extreme, it can interfere with our relationships.

Your significant other was meant for greater things and not just a substitute until you find something better. He is a human being with flaws just like yourself; no one is perfect. If you believe he could be someone special, you’re in love with him, or it pains you to be apart from him then you need to come together to make this work. A relationship requires effort and is not all rainbows and butterflies.

A long-lasting relationship, that will endure the test of time, is one in which you should give your all and love him unconditionally. In return, he should do the same. Don’t give up and follow these tips to save your failing marriage.

Engage in an honest conversation by sitting down with your significant other to figure out what’s going wrong. Then decide where to go from there. Don’t raise your voice or call each other names. Let your partner speak first. Let him say what he thinks is going wrong and discuss if you agree or disagree. Talk about everything that has been bothering you and decide whether the relationship is worth saving. Some relationships have hit their prime and can’t be resurrected. However, not all relationships are unsalvageable. There are two different ways this could go. Either you both love each other and want to try repairing the damage or there has been too much destruction to repair the situation. Decide whether the problems can be forgiven, forgotten, and something you both can get over. Ponder if you still see a future with this person.

Make your relationship a top priority. Relationships take time, energy, and commitment. They need nourishment and love to grow and flourish. Investing your time and energy will reward you with a stronger healthier relationship. Engage with each other by being fully present. Listen, communicate, and really absorb what your partner is saying.

Reevaluate the reasons you’re together by thinking back to the beginning. The shy glances, brushing each other’s hands, first dates, kisses, and I love you’s. What enticed you to this person? What qualities attracted you to him? Remember the reasons you have stayed together this long to help strengthen your foundation. Ask him what he loves and doesn’t love about you. Be open to constructive criticism and self-improvement and you do the same with him. Don’t comment on things that can’t be altered, but tell him qualities that he can improve on. Come up with goals, dreams, and try accomplishing them together.

Honesty is the best policy so continue to be truthful when communicating with him.   And when communicating, don’t scream, yell, or insult one another. Calmly talk things out and get to the bottom of the real issues. The right way to communicate is by asking him a relevant question, listening to his response, and then offering a constructive opinion. The wrong way is overreacting and overwhelming your partner with constant questions, accusations, and worries when they walk through the door. Stay away from difficult heavy talks during stressful or hectic times. Don’t try to have a serious discussion when either of you are emotional. Calm down and then approach the conversation reasonably.

Do something special together to amp up the romance by going out for a date night. Pick a day to get dressed up and go to a restaurant that holds meaning to you both. Maybe somewhere you fell in love, said “I love you”, or had your first date. Being back where you both hold strong memories will reignite the passion that may have dwindled. Try something new by being adventurous. It doesn’t need to be anything outrageous as long as it’s just the two of you enjoying your time together. Enjoy an escape from the world to reconnect with one another.

Cut out external influences by not allowing others to tell you what to do. You are your own person as is he. You can listen to their advice, but ultimately the choice is between you and your partner. Keep your relationship intimate; this bond between the two of you is meant to be private. Instead of talking to your girlfriends about your problems, communicate with your partner by confessing your concerns to him.

Forgive each other and let go of the negative emotions. Remember, the past is in the past. Don’t dig up old painful memories. Forgiveness takes time and can be shown through small daily actions.

Set boundaries with one another. Remember to keep your word. If you set a rule for him, then set a similar one for yourself. If you don’t want him staying out all night drinking then you should follow the same rule. Tell him the boundaries you wish him to keep, then be prepared to accept his requests.

Don’t insult, stonewall, or play the blame game. This will only result in hurt feelings and resentment. Stonewalling is a passive-aggressive tactic used when you are ignoring, stalling, or refusing to engage in the situation.   At the end of the day, no one wins in the blame game. Take responsibility for your actions and in return, he will do the same. Again no one is perfect; we all make mistakes.

Stop trying to fix or change your partner. You can’t completely change someone’s ideals, beliefs, or behaviors. However, you can change by improving things about yourself. Once you accept this and stop trying to change him, but continue to give him love and support, he then can choose to better himself.

Be respectful and trust one another. Don’t treat each other with contempt or walk all over each other. Relationships work best when there is an effort being made.

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